Cold Turkey

Am I in trouble now.

You see the 2 legs get this great big turkey every so often and cook it and eat it. Now I reckon that is just plain greedy. There's Sebastian Max and me and we could all use a piece of that too. Well I heard them talking the night before last and she said she was going to cook the bird. I looked at Sebastian who had raised one eye from his basket and we shared a knowing look.

She always gets it out of that big cold fridge thing in the garage and then puts it on a tray in the little room downstairs to let it thaw out. The turkey must be so cold coz it is covered in ice and frost when she brings it in.

They went off to bed and I rallied the troops and we gathered outside the little room - we could smell the turkey in there and Sebastian started pawing at the door. I told him that was a waste of time and he got a bit uppetty. I don't think he's keen on me as the newcomer giving orders but you always need a general.

I suggested he stood firm by the door and let me climb on his back.

"Your claws are sharp" he moaned.

I reassured him I would keep them withdrawn and told Max to climb on my back and hang on the door handle.

The operation went with utmost precision and the door opened. Max moaned about hanging in mid air and I told him he could let go and he feel to the floor with a bump. I think he is a little bit simple really.

Anyway we were in and I let Sebastian have first pick of getting the plastic off and then we set in to a feast on the wing thing. it was like a frozen meaty ice cream - really yummy.

Sated we all went off to bed and in the morning all hell broke loose.

She was screaming about the bird being eaten and how had we got in there. I slunk under the bed and kept out of the way for the day. it will all blow over by tomorrow.

Oh My I am Sooooooooo Famous Now

You will never believe this. I was roaming through the house the two legs have and they have done some weird things to it like knocking down walls so I can now go to parts that I couldn't get to before. Anyway there I was in the place where they eat. Isn't it funny how they eat sitting up at a table on those hard chairs and use those sharp knife things and yet they put my food in a bowl on the floor and give me no cutlery. I guess it's just their peculiar ways of doing things. Anyway there I was walking through looking for Max or Sebastian so I could jump on them and frighten them when my eyes rose up to where they had had this massive great tree thing with lights and balls and stuff that I was always in trouble for knocking down. Well the tree wasn't there - I guess it must have been blown over in all those winds but hanging on the wall was this gigantic picture of ME!! I jumped when I saw it - I mean I must have been 4 times my normal size just hanging there on the wall - then I thought about it and I thought that if I had seen it so must loads of other 2 legs and 4 legs. I can't write any more now I've got to go and sharpen my pencil so I can sign all those autographs.

Be good!

The Cupboard Bear

Hi guys I know I haven't had much to say for a while but this growing up takes it out of you. Anyway they say I am fully grown now so I thought it was time to get talking to you again. I see old 2 legs had a go at it the other day and I know you must be thinking how rubbish that was so here's the maestro back in the chair.

I have to tell you about the other day when the 2 legs were turning out all those wonderful places you can hide in but where they keep all those silly pots and pans and stuff. Anyway he had just emptied this shelf and was telling the female 2 legs that she could get some stuff to fill them up with - what a stupid way of going on that is - empty something to fill it up with something else. You wouldn't catch a cat doing that.

Anyway while his back was turned I nipped onto the top shelf and settled down I fancied a nice nap and it was lovely and cosy in there.

"Out!" booms a voice right in my ear - most inconsiderate I thought so I ignored him. I have developed this skill in looking him straight in the eye and totally ignoring whatever he says - makes him so mad I nearly wet myself at his expression,

So there we were, him looking at me and trying to get me to move and me looking right through him as if he wasn't there.

Then he went to a drawer and got this thick mitten thing out and put it on his hand and shoved his hand round my bum. Now that's a liberty! I quickly shot a paw out above the glove line and he yelped and ran off shouting about tourniquets or something. he shut the door too and I was left in the dark.

Pretty soon they came back to me him with a plaster on his arm - she with a packet of my favourite treats. I pretended to show contrition ate the treats trumped in the cupboard and went to bed for a proper nap.

What a life

I am In Trouble

I am afraid it is time to name and shame Casper.

I am not one to complain or tell tales out of school but the leopard cat known as Casper has savaged me causing tourniquets and plasters to be administered by my resident medical expert.

The scene was that she and I were attempting to tidy the cupboards in the kitchen when the savage leopard cat decided to get in the cupboard and occupy the top shelf. I explained this was not actually helping the manoeuvres of the day but he remained recalcitrant so I decided to use physical intervention. Mistake! He adopted a snarling hissing position and struck out like a python in a corner. My hand and arm was lacerated beyond recognition. I told him I was not happy at his attitude and shut him in the cupboard - he is still there snarling and spitting and doing other feline activities. The manoeuvres have ceased and dinner is being prepared. The leopard cat will not be eating!