Can I have a Bed for the Night

You know how it is. You get comfortable in a chair somewhere and someone comes and puts their big backside in your face and says "Come on move off I want to sit there!"

I sleep in his chair by the computer - the one that spins round and round and there he is saying "I want to use the machine if you're not using it".

I get up and amble off to the pet bed and Sebastian is in there. I nip upstairs and decide to go under the duvet for some peace and quiet and there is Max having his customary warm.

"Can't move Casper - the heat is good for my "condition""

Well I thought I just have to find myself my own bed and there it was. I jumped up onto the new settee and straddled the back and the comfort was unbelievable. I had a good sleep up there with no disturbances. Maybe I have got my own bed at last.

Early Morning Meals

I was over the fence in the other garden talking to my mate Coby the Koi. He's really nice and friendly but he tends to have a very short memory. Max said all fish were like that.

"Morning Coby," I started, "what have you been doing today?"

"How do you know my name? I've never seen you before"

"We have a chat most mornings and you told me your name. I'm Casper"

You're a funny rooking fish. You got all fuzz on your back and you got regs" I am gradually getting the hang of Coby's Japanese accent.

"I'm not a fish Coby I'm a cat"

"Ah so you are cat-fish. You still rook funny!"

"Where's your mates Coby - they usually come to see me too"

"I got no mates mate. I rive all on my own" and with that he swam around the pond."

"Who are you?" came a plaintiff call as Coby came back in sight. "Why you rook in here at me? You want to eat me yes?"

"No Coby. I don't want to eat you I just had a lovely bowl of tuna and cream. I just came to talk."

"Ah you want to see my mates. They down there somewhere eating food from bottom."

I had a horrible thought for a moment and then realised he meant the bottom of the pond. I had another horrible thought about what was down there.

"You come down and eat with us prease"

I felt the horrible thought turn ten times horribler.

"I'm absolutely full Coby and besides I don't swim good"

"Nonsense you cat-fish. You swim rike a sea-rion. Come on down"

Coby disappeared to the bottom of the murky pond. I dipped my paw in to test the water - it was cold. Just then I got a jet of cold water up my bottom.

"Get away from my fish, moggie" he shouted aiming the hose of water at me.

I was up and over the fence before you could say frozen assets and back indoors for a warm by the radiator. Don't think I'll be quite so neighbourly in future

Nightmare Of Nightmares

Well I am about 50 years older this morning.

Last night we had our party down the lane - Bluebelle couldn't come because she was having some special treats with her two leg family but me Max Sebastian and Louie went for a game on the bins. It was cool. Sebastian is really good for a big lad and he had some classy moves - he was trying to impress Louie but she wasn't interested.

So I was having a lay in on the back bedroom bed this morning - right in the middle of a lovely dream about this massive bowl of tuna that just would not empty no matter how much I ate. I was so enjoying it when I was awoken by a strange noise. I opened an eye and looked at the window and there was this giant two legs face looking in at me. he must have been so tall to look in the bedroom window and he really scared me.

I jumped up and ran downstairs to tell my two legs about it and as I got there the face came in through the patio door and started taking the television to pieces. Now I know my two legs likes his television and he wouldn't be happy if this thing that morphed form a giant to normal in a few seconds opened it up and let all those two legs out. Come to that the lady two legs wouldn't like all those legs running about her room after she has put the cleaner round.

I had to act fast and I ran up to this creature and he rolled me over on my back and started rubbing my tummy. Rather humiliating. Just then my two legs came in and I knew there would be a row, maybe a fight and i was laying on my back legs in the air.

"Ah I see you met Casper then" said my two legs

"Nice little fellow isn't he. You know I think he was actually trying to stop me working the way he ran over." the monster spoke really nicely and reassuring - I let him continue rubbing my tummy.

"Oh he'll do anything for attention will that one" announced my two legs in a somewhat discouraging tone. "Come on Casper let the man sort out the TV."

Appears the giant was just an ordinary two legs who used a ladder to spy on me. You never can tell who's about can you

Happy Birthday

Hello everyone it's my birthday - I'm 2 years old today!

I also want to wish my sister Bluebelle and my brother Monty Happy Birthday today too - we are all 2. You know I see Bluebelle quite a bit because she lives next door and you probably remember my Mum - Lily - took me to see Monty once just before she went away.

I've not gone back to see him in a while and I might go over there today just to wish him a nice day.

I don't know if the two legs know it's my birthday - I haven't seen them bring any presents in but you never know.

Tonight we are having a party. Seb is bringing his girlfriend Louie and Bluebelle is coming. I asked Max if he wanted to bring anyone and he was all mysterious and said he might and then again he might not - depended how he felt and how his "condition" was and whether it was raining or if the wind was blowing or if there was a frost. I said he could please himself - I'm considerate like that.

Anyway we are going down the lane where they keep all those coloured bins outside and we are going to dance on them and play a sort of Twister game. We did that once before and Sebastian got into a really funny position and knocked one of the bins over and all this food and stuff came running out and we had a feast. I think Sebastian had arranged to do it on purpose because he could have chosen one of the bins with all that grass and garden rubbish in it.

Don't let the two legs know where we are going will you - we want it to be our secret.

Isn't Rain Cool

I like it when it rains.

I can't wait to get outside and have a run in the rain and let it get all over my coat. I like it because when I go indoors again the two legs get a big soft warm blanket or towel out and wrap mme up in it and rub me until I am dry.

They are funny because when they are drying me they talk to me like I was a little baby and say all sorts of silly things. I take it in good spirit and don't say anything top upset them. They are happy doing it so why spoil their fun.

Now Sebastian will join me sometimes and he is quite happy to accept a warm towelling after although he doesn't get picked up and turned over on his back like I do - I told him it was because he was too heavy and he got a bit miffed.

Max - well Max hates going out if the temperature is below roasting point and if he does venture outside he is straight back in and lays by the radiator. he told me the towel was a bit rough for him and he objected to the constant rubbing motion and he didn't like to be upside down and it all affected his "condition".

I don't know what they are going to do with Max - he can be such a hypochondriac

Shopping Day

Usual panic in my house this morning. Saturday id their big day. They go off to get the shopping and I have to leave a little note to remind them to get my biscuits and my cream and my tuna. Sebastian just leaves one note which says food.

Max on the other hand is quite contrary about his dietary needs and only eats what he wants when he wants to. He is not one to take advantage of his personal shoppers but he does seem to like the prospect of making the choices himself. I think Max would be a very good shopper. he is methodical and would wander the aisles of those supermarkets reading all the labels before deciding what he wanted. By the time he had got it home he would have changed his mind and not want it any more. that's where Sebastian comes in handy. Anything anyone doesn't want to eat he does. He's better than a waste disposal unit.

There they were this morning all ready to go shopping when he calls out "Are the bags in the car?"

"No, they are in the utility by the washing machine"

"Oh no! We've got someone wants to come shopping with us!"

There was Max comfortably curled up in the shopping bag quite happy to be taken. Sadly he was ousted and we were left behind while the two legs went and got the supplies. They made some pretty fair choices so I suppose I shouldn't complain

Massage A Day

So I have had this achey back for a few days; I am sure part of the trouble comes from the two legs having moved my bed from next to the radiator to under the window. I am sure the damp gets in and those cold winds and you know how that plays havoc with the joints. I was telling Max about my problem and how I was finding it difficult to climb up the fences. Max is something of a sage and he told me about this new masseuse who has moved in up the road.

Max said he had been approached but would not take the chance in case it set off his "condition". I asked about Seb and Max just said she doesn't do house calls. Silly of me to think Seb would wander all that way with no food in it.

I went up the road and there she was just as Max had said.

"You're a bit young for me" she purred "but come on in we've got the place to ourselves"

I followed her through the cat flap and she led me upstairs.

I lay on the bed as she asked and then it happened. She jumped on my back and started working her claws in and out. I don't mind admitting I screamed with the pain. The more I screamed the more she dug in and she was screaming too.

When I finally got up to go I had no pain - well I had no feeling at all in my back.

I guess she's good