Hey there
I was out in the garden today and I've real;ly mastered climbing fences. I can be up and along the narrow balance beam before the two legs can catch me and lift me down.
I told you I went beyond the end of the world the other day; well today I got into a spot of bother. I went along the rail as usual and then I got to another garden. It was really weird - no grass and a big hole of water in one corner. Then I saw something glint in the water and again. It was fishes. I thought of my rumbling belly and eased my way down and edged nearer the water to see what it was. They were all orange coloured and I don't think they would have tasted as nice as those ones the lady two legs cooks. That's when I realised my difficulty. I was somewhere strange with those high fences all round me and didn't know which one to go up. I sort of whimpered to let someone know where I was and I could hear the male two legs way in the distance calling me. He didn't hear my whimpers.
Just then I heard a noise on the fence and Max came into view.
"Oi dopey, get up here and follow me!"
I did and he led me back to my home. He's OK is Max.
Casper
Getting the inspiration to blog
Wednesday, 11 August 2010
Monday, 9 August 2010
I've Gone Beyond the End of The World
Hey what do you think!
today I was out and about chasing butterflies and enjoying life when I saw Max go over the fence and out into the place beyond the end of the world.
I waited until the two legs were busy fiddling with their flowers and I leapt up onto the bird bath (I got a very damp under-carriage, but us adventurers have to make sacrifices). I was up on the fence and made a bolt for it. I heard the two legs calling for me to come back but I ran. I nearly fell off the fence a couple of times because it is very narrow and there's all sorts of bits sticking up out of it.
In no time I was outside their world and into a place of ponds and all sorts of strange plants and stuff. I went on for a while and then - to tell the truth - I got a bit frightened. I turned round and came back along the fence. I heard the female two legs still calling and rattling my biscuits. When I came into view I was scolded again. Isn't it silly, they tell you off when you come back!
I was a bit worried about getting down from that fence, but she lifted me down so all's well that ends well. Apart from my swing.
Well I had been adventuring so I thought I deserved some relaxation. She's got these hanging things in the garden with all flowers and bits coming out of them. Anyway they hang off this metal tree thing and are a lovely height. So I had a run up and leapt onto one of these baskets and clung there. it rocks back and forth and is really cool.
When she saw me she nearly exploded. I got sent indoors and told Seb about my journey but he fell asleep.
Hope you didn't.
today I was out and about chasing butterflies and enjoying life when I saw Max go over the fence and out into the place beyond the end of the world.
I waited until the two legs were busy fiddling with their flowers and I leapt up onto the bird bath (I got a very damp under-carriage, but us adventurers have to make sacrifices). I was up on the fence and made a bolt for it. I heard the two legs calling for me to come back but I ran. I nearly fell off the fence a couple of times because it is very narrow and there's all sorts of bits sticking up out of it.
In no time I was outside their world and into a place of ponds and all sorts of strange plants and stuff. I went on for a while and then - to tell the truth - I got a bit frightened. I turned round and came back along the fence. I heard the female two legs still calling and rattling my biscuits. When I came into view I was scolded again. Isn't it silly, they tell you off when you come back!
I was a bit worried about getting down from that fence, but she lifted me down so all's well that ends well. Apart from my swing.
Well I had been adventuring so I thought I deserved some relaxation. She's got these hanging things in the garden with all flowers and bits coming out of them. Anyway they hang off this metal tree thing and are a lovely height. So I had a run up and leapt onto one of these baskets and clung there. it rocks back and forth and is really cool.
When she saw me she nearly exploded. I got sent indoors and told Seb about my journey but he fell asleep.
Hope you didn't.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
Lights, Camera Action - I'm A Star
I was watching one of those animal adventure programmes on TV the other night. The two legs had been watching football and shouting and screaming all over the place and I just lay back and enjoyed the peace and tranquility of the adventure.
It set me thinking about why I didn't have more adventures, so I resolved to do something about it. It was Sunday morning and the usual domestic hush fell as they went about their business - cooking, cleaning, ironing and reading newspapers. I set off on my adventure.
I had planned it very well and knew where the difficult bits would be. The first was the need to balance on the bowl and leap across, grab the hanging bit in my mouth and land without splitting or tearing it. I climbed up on the seat - thoughtfully the two legs had left the seat down - I didn't want to add the complication of a balancing act across that chasm of water.
I leapt, grabbed the hanging piece of toilet paper and made a rush for the stairs with it intact. The paper unravelled nicely and I managed to get to the second stair before I lost my grip and had to let go. I was pleased with myself.
When the two legs saw it there was the usual hysterical shouting but they did actually then start to laugh and he said I was like the Andrex puppy - what a cheek that was - i'm a cat 100%. I watched him re-roll all the paper and he was still chuckling.
Can't wait to do that one again.
See you soon
It set me thinking about why I didn't have more adventures, so I resolved to do something about it. It was Sunday morning and the usual domestic hush fell as they went about their business - cooking, cleaning, ironing and reading newspapers. I set off on my adventure.
I had planned it very well and knew where the difficult bits would be. The first was the need to balance on the bowl and leap across, grab the hanging bit in my mouth and land without splitting or tearing it. I climbed up on the seat - thoughtfully the two legs had left the seat down - I didn't want to add the complication of a balancing act across that chasm of water.
I leapt, grabbed the hanging piece of toilet paper and made a rush for the stairs with it intact. The paper unravelled nicely and I managed to get to the second stair before I lost my grip and had to let go. I was pleased with myself.
When the two legs saw it there was the usual hysterical shouting but they did actually then start to laugh and he said I was like the Andrex puppy - what a cheek that was - i'm a cat 100%. I watched him re-roll all the paper and he was still chuckling.
Can't wait to do that one again.
See you soon
Saturday, 7 August 2010
Two Legs Can Blog Too
Hey hope you don't mind but the male two legs was telling me this story the other morning and I thought I'd tell you, then I thought he can tell you so I have given him my space today. I know he isn't as good as me and he certainly isn't as funny but I thought I deserved a break and he's the best I can do.
Here he is
This is a tale of a few years ago before Casper arrived on the scene
Now would be a good time to invite insomniacs to join in the reading and they will find a quick cure to their complaint.
On the day in question, I returned home still rather miffed about the disaster that was the football match the previous evening. I strode into the garden to take the air - my wife had just had her hair coloured and cut and titivated in many ways. I was in the dog house for not noticing but nothing unusual there.
We were enjoying what is called a balmy Summer and as a result the doors were open and a limpid breeze ran through the house.
I stood in the garden admiring Mother Nature's handiwork - I mused at the tireless work of the honey bee as it moved effortlessly from flower to flower transporting pollen and adding to the miracle that is life in a country garden.
There was an almighty scratching at my neighbour's fence and a head appeared above it. It was Max and he had a captive member of Mother Nature's family in his mouth. I called to him not to enter the conservatory with his hostage - he went into the conservatory. I explained to him that under no account was he to go in the kitchen with the hostage - he leapt up the step and stood in the kitchen. I followed and implored of him that the lounge was out of bound with live-stock in tow - he moved into the lounge. Again I followed and was quite adamant that if he ventured upstairs with the gift he would not see the light of another dawn - he went upstairs. It was at this point, as I heaved my weary body up the stairs that I realised that his hostage was in fact a bird; the flapping of wings indicated both that Max was as tired as I after climbing the stairs and secondly that his hostage was still alive.
I reached the summit of the stairs and momentarily shared the same elation that Hilary must have felt as he set foot on the peak of Everest - not the double glazing people - the mountain! Sebastian was there - I implored of him to go and entice his brother to leave the house. He looked at me, looked at Max, yawned and went back to sleep. Suddenly the flapping of wings ceased and Max appeared with the bird back in Max's mouth. As luck would have it he passed my right foot which made contact with his bottom and directed him to the stairs. He made a fast descent. I followed and opened the front door. Reluctantly Max exited with his prize still locked between his jaws.
I shut the door and returned to the lounge window to view. Max lay on the lawn proud of his trophy but looking rather threateningly in my direction. I was glad there was a pane of glass between us (actually two panes since the double glazing!). Max's eyes sparkled with a cunning plan; my mind whirred as I tried to out think my feline foe. Got it! In the same moment Max rose from the lawn and I left the window. I headed for the back door, went through it, locking the cat flap as I did and shutting the door behind me. I picked up the garden hose and turned it on at the stop cock.
The fence echoed again to the scrabbing and Max's head appeared again with the feathered friend between his jaws. I flicked the trigger on the hose like those gunslingers in the ancient black and white films that grace many a Saturday afternoon. The jet of water shot out, hit the fence and rebounded on me. Max smugly leapt down the fence and headed again for the conservatory.
Remembering part of Gordon Ramsay's script from Hell's Kitchen, I pointed out that Max was not pulling his weight as a fully signed up member of the Cook household and had he not visited the vet's at an early age for a very unpleasant operation, I would now be delighting in taking them off for him without anaesthetic.
Max was now at the back door and made a charge for the cat flap. My strategy had paid off; his head bounced off the locked flap and he opened his mouth to protest. The bird - a blue tit I noticed - took that one second to save itself and flew from his mouth straight through the open conservatory door and into the bosom of Mother Nature and into the empty garden next door.
Max looked at me as if I were dirt. He checked the conservatory to make sure his feathered friend was not hiding and curled up and went to sleep. I dried off my soaked clothes and reflected how much easier life would be if I stayed at the office for the late shift.
Here he is
This is a tale of a few years ago before Casper arrived on the scene
Now would be a good time to invite insomniacs to join in the reading and they will find a quick cure to their complaint.
On the day in question, I returned home still rather miffed about the disaster that was the football match the previous evening. I strode into the garden to take the air - my wife had just had her hair coloured and cut and titivated in many ways. I was in the dog house for not noticing but nothing unusual there.
We were enjoying what is called a balmy Summer and as a result the doors were open and a limpid breeze ran through the house.
I stood in the garden admiring Mother Nature's handiwork - I mused at the tireless work of the honey bee as it moved effortlessly from flower to flower transporting pollen and adding to the miracle that is life in a country garden.
There was an almighty scratching at my neighbour's fence and a head appeared above it. It was Max and he had a captive member of Mother Nature's family in his mouth. I called to him not to enter the conservatory with his hostage - he went into the conservatory. I explained to him that under no account was he to go in the kitchen with the hostage - he leapt up the step and stood in the kitchen. I followed and implored of him that the lounge was out of bound with live-stock in tow - he moved into the lounge. Again I followed and was quite adamant that if he ventured upstairs with the gift he would not see the light of another dawn - he went upstairs. It was at this point, as I heaved my weary body up the stairs that I realised that his hostage was in fact a bird; the flapping of wings indicated both that Max was as tired as I after climbing the stairs and secondly that his hostage was still alive.
I reached the summit of the stairs and momentarily shared the same elation that Hilary must have felt as he set foot on the peak of Everest - not the double glazing people - the mountain! Sebastian was there - I implored of him to go and entice his brother to leave the house. He looked at me, looked at Max, yawned and went back to sleep. Suddenly the flapping of wings ceased and Max appeared with the bird back in Max's mouth. As luck would have it he passed my right foot which made contact with his bottom and directed him to the stairs. He made a fast descent. I followed and opened the front door. Reluctantly Max exited with his prize still locked between his jaws.
I shut the door and returned to the lounge window to view. Max lay on the lawn proud of his trophy but looking rather threateningly in my direction. I was glad there was a pane of glass between us (actually two panes since the double glazing!). Max's eyes sparkled with a cunning plan; my mind whirred as I tried to out think my feline foe. Got it! In the same moment Max rose from the lawn and I left the window. I headed for the back door, went through it, locking the cat flap as I did and shutting the door behind me. I picked up the garden hose and turned it on at the stop cock.
The fence echoed again to the scrabbing and Max's head appeared again with the feathered friend between his jaws. I flicked the trigger on the hose like those gunslingers in the ancient black and white films that grace many a Saturday afternoon. The jet of water shot out, hit the fence and rebounded on me. Max smugly leapt down the fence and headed again for the conservatory.
Remembering part of Gordon Ramsay's script from Hell's Kitchen, I pointed out that Max was not pulling his weight as a fully signed up member of the Cook household and had he not visited the vet's at an early age for a very unpleasant operation, I would now be delighting in taking them off for him without anaesthetic.
Max was now at the back door and made a charge for the cat flap. My strategy had paid off; his head bounced off the locked flap and he opened his mouth to protest. The bird - a blue tit I noticed - took that one second to save itself and flew from his mouth straight through the open conservatory door and into the bosom of Mother Nature and into the empty garden next door.
Max looked at me as if I were dirt. He checked the conservatory to make sure his feathered friend was not hiding and curled up and went to sleep. I dried off my soaked clothes and reflected how much easier life would be if I stayed at the office for the late shift.
Don't Go Mountaineering After Dinner
Haven't been too busy here lately coz it's all been a bit quiet. Sebastian was a bit off colour - he said it was the change in weather but I think it was because he ate all the fish my personal shopper got for us to share. I was a bit slow off the mark. I had been having a quiet morning while she cooked it. When she served it up she said it was hot and I tried a bit and burned my mouth. Sebastian said he had asbestos gullet (whatever that is) and he just gulped it all down.
Max came down from his bed to see what it was all about but by the time he got there it had all gone so he said he was going back to bed and I was on my own with Seb again. Seb gave a big belch and then said he felt a bit queasy with the change in weather and thought it best if he had a sleep.
I decided to go mountaineering for a change. The two legs pull these pieces of cloth over the sun when they want to be in the dark and I have to be in the dark with them. They are funny creatures because they pull this material over the sun and make it dark and then bring a big bright sun into the house by flicking a switch.
Anyway I went mountaineering like I said and climbed up this material to the narrow walkway at the top. I was walking across it for the second time when there was this funny crumbling noise and it all collapsed leaving me in a heap on the floor.
Last time it was just the material that ripped but this time the whole lot collapsed but I'm alright I didn't damage myself but the material doesn't hang there any more. They shouted at me and called me all sorts of names and then said I couldn't have any more fish. I couldn't tell them I hadn't had any in the first place and that Sebastian had had it all.
Anyway as usual I'm in trouble.
Max came down from his bed to see what it was all about but by the time he got there it had all gone so he said he was going back to bed and I was on my own with Seb again. Seb gave a big belch and then said he felt a bit queasy with the change in weather and thought it best if he had a sleep.
I decided to go mountaineering for a change. The two legs pull these pieces of cloth over the sun when they want to be in the dark and I have to be in the dark with them. They are funny creatures because they pull this material over the sun and make it dark and then bring a big bright sun into the house by flicking a switch.
Anyway I went mountaineering like I said and climbed up this material to the narrow walkway at the top. I was walking across it for the second time when there was this funny crumbling noise and it all collapsed leaving me in a heap on the floor.
Last time it was just the material that ripped but this time the whole lot collapsed but I'm alright I didn't damage myself but the material doesn't hang there any more. They shouted at me and called me all sorts of names and then said I couldn't have any more fish. I couldn't tell them I hadn't had any in the first place and that Sebastian had had it all.
Anyway as usual I'm in trouble.
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
I'm Being Stalked
No it's not a joke. Everywhere I go this cat follows me around. It's getting on my nerves a bit he's everywhere I am.
I went in the bedroom to have a rest and that comfortable duvet thing and as I walked in there he was. I don't know where he came from. He just appears by me.
I laid down and so did he. I went to wash my ears and so did he. I looked away and had a quick peep back and there he was looking at me. I tried to scare him off by hitting him with my paw but he just blocked it as if he were trying to do the same.
When I growl at him he opens his mouth and does the same. When I arch my back at him so does he. I thought it was Max playing games with me at first but then I saw him go over the fence at the end of the world and I nipped upstairs and my stalker was there again.
I am going to have to have a word with someone about it soon or I shall start to get a complex. If you see him at all can you ask him not to follow me.
I did get a picture of him the other day....
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I went in the bedroom to have a rest and that comfortable duvet thing and as I walked in there he was. I don't know where he came from. He just appears by me.
I laid down and so did he. I went to wash my ears and so did he. I looked away and had a quick peep back and there he was looking at me. I tried to scare him off by hitting him with my paw but he just blocked it as if he were trying to do the same.
When I growl at him he opens his mouth and does the same. When I arch my back at him so does he. I thought it was Max playing games with me at first but then I saw him go over the fence at the end of the world and I nipped upstairs and my stalker was there again.
I am going to have to have a word with someone about it soon or I shall start to get a complex. If you see him at all can you ask him not to follow me.
I did get a picture of him the other day....
.jpg)
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Percy, Me & The Bee
I was out having my exercises today, chasing a leaf around the garden when I leapt for a butterfly and nearly landed on Percy. He was pecking away furiously just under the acer tree and I didn't see him.
"Steady on young un" he chastised, "you could have squashed me with those leaps"
I apologised and asked him what the attraction was under the tree. I had never seen him so feverishly pecking before.
"Tis the honey bee season"
"What's so special about them then?" I asked
"Come on laddie; surely you know what honey tastes like. All sweet and sticky. Runs down my beak a treat and soothes the old vocal chords so I can make my calls much louder and easier"
"But I don't coo like you. I just purr and sometimes meow."
"Yes, yes. I'm not stupid but think of the strain when you purr for them and the throat ache you get meowing."
"True. So what do we do?"
"You just lay in wait for one and then you pounce on him and chew a bit and swallow and you feel all that lovely honey running down your throat. That's why they are called honey bees"
I did as Percy said. very soon a nice looking bee came and settled on the grass under the tree just close to us. I looked at Percy. I didn't want to offend him by taking his bee, but Percy is a gentleman. He shook his head and ushered me to take the bee.
I pounced on it. Got it in my mouth and it stung me and made me squeal. I opened my mouth and the bee flew out but my mouth was on fire. I felt my tongue swelling.
Percy flew off, squawking with delight.
I wasn't happy
"Steady on young un" he chastised, "you could have squashed me with those leaps"
I apologised and asked him what the attraction was under the tree. I had never seen him so feverishly pecking before.
"Tis the honey bee season"
"What's so special about them then?" I asked
"Come on laddie; surely you know what honey tastes like. All sweet and sticky. Runs down my beak a treat and soothes the old vocal chords so I can make my calls much louder and easier"
"But I don't coo like you. I just purr and sometimes meow."
"Yes, yes. I'm not stupid but think of the strain when you purr for them and the throat ache you get meowing."
"True. So what do we do?"
"You just lay in wait for one and then you pounce on him and chew a bit and swallow and you feel all that lovely honey running down your throat. That's why they are called honey bees"
I did as Percy said. very soon a nice looking bee came and settled on the grass under the tree just close to us. I looked at Percy. I didn't want to offend him by taking his bee, but Percy is a gentleman. He shook his head and ushered me to take the bee.
I pounced on it. Got it in my mouth and it stung me and made me squeal. I opened my mouth and the bee flew out but my mouth was on fire. I felt my tongue swelling.
Percy flew off, squawking with delight.
I wasn't happy
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