I Must Tell The Tooth

I can't stop laughing.

You should have seen them this morning. You see the female two legs puts this thing in her mouth with teeth on it when she goes out. When she is indoors she takes it out and outs it in a glass of water. I don't know whether it gets thirsty or what, but it sits on top of the microwave looking at me.

Max told me to go and play with it.

"It won't bite" he said. I think it was his idea of a joke - I didn't laugh at that.

Well this morning they were going out and he was doing his bit filling the car with all sorts of stuff. Cushions, water butt, stools, more plastic than they have in Tesco's and she was indoors looking around.

She looked everywhere.

"Just off up the dump" I heard him appraise the neighbours. Then I saw him making a fuss of my sister- Bluebell. I wanted tog et out there and have a word but the chaos indoors was fun.

He went in to see where she was and she said the immortal words.

"I can't find my tooth!"

That started the most amazing game of hunt the tooth I have ever seen. Max and Seb and I went around following them and we were laughing so much my tummy ached. They looked in the fridge, the freezer, all the cupboards, the microwave, that thing that keeps stuff hot when she has loads more two legs come to eat. Everywhere.

"I'll have to look in the bins when we get back" he snorted and off they went.

I sat down with Max and Seb - they had just been over to that vet person to have a needle stuck up their bottoms for some immunisation. Sebastian was most put out and said the missing tooth was divine retribution. He's very learned at times and says some profund things. I think he must have been a scholarly kitten. We never discuss his upbringing.

Then I heard the front door open and in they came. He was puffing and pantng from whatever he had done at the dump and immediately began a fresh search. The same cupboards, fridge, freezer as if the tooth had walked back in there while they had gone out! Two legs are silly.

Then he gave that Eureka cry - not Ulrika from that TV programme!

"Here's the glass!" he shouted in triumph pointing to an upturned vessel hanging on the serving fork in the cutlery box. It was hanging there very nicely like an apple hanging on a tree. I thought it was a very idyllic moment.

"Where's the tooth?" she asked. He lifted the cutlery out of the wooden box and pointed tot his forlorn specimen laying in the bottom of the rather sodden box.

"That must have been Casper going for a drink last night and knocking it over" she declared with a menace in her voice.

My laughter ceased immediately and I made for the settee and slunk behind it out of harms way. I could just see him put the tooth glass up on a shelf over the kettle. I am not sure how I am going to reach it up there but I'll have to give it a go.