Now you need to understand that the festive season is not one of my two legs' more favoured times. They fail to see the pleasure in spending one weekend climbing ladders and pinning bits of foil and tinsel into the ceiling and walls only to spend another weekend 3 weeks later removing the same tinsel and foil and then patching up the holes created by the said tacks.
Moreover he is loathe to spend hours of time dressing tree shaped lumps of tinsel with baubles and fairies only to remove the same within said 3 weeks and find that half of them have either broken or vanished. Is there some greater power out there that ensures that every sixth silver bauble mysteriously disappears only to be found in the middle of Summer.
Enough of his likes and dislikes, the female two legs decreed that decorations should be implemented this weekend and so the toil began. Max is a great man for helping in these circumstances. Two legs was atop the ladders peering into the dimly lit loft space wondering where he had placed the fairy from last year when something warm and furry brushed past him. Having been an ardent viewer of "I'm a Celebrity ...Get Me Out of Here" he at first thought he was facing a bush-tucker trial. Common sense prevailed and he realised that this was Suffolk and not South Australia, Max had climbed the ladder and was amok in the loft.
The two legs called to him - Max ignored him. The two legs enticed him with promises of treats – Max ignored him. The two legs threatened him with torture - Max ignored him. Two legs went for a cup of tea - Max joined him. Two legs returned to his venture into the loft and secured the various boxes of decorations and made safe the trap door ensuring that no feline had entered.
Disgruntled, two legs went about pinning up the decorations and erecting the tree. He laboured hard and was quite impressed with the finished result (even though the fairy at the top had a rather jaunty Julian Claryesque look about her). He decked the mirrors with the obligatory tinsel and managed to secure the berry-like beads on each branch of the tree. He felt Ihe had earned another cuppa.
Two legs was indulging in a quiet cuppa in the dining room when he heard the key turn in the door to announce his wife's return from yet another foray into the shops of Ipswich. Her delight at seeing the decorations was not exactly what he had planned - he felt he had made some catastrophic gaffe; had he placed the Christmas star too close to the tinsel bells? Even so the shriek of disgust was more than uncalled for.
He cleared away the cup and made his way back to the lounge. There was the tree scattered across the floor with broken baubles littering the carpet and the Julian Claryesque fairy looking rather forlorn and tattered. Max was sitting amidst the debris with tinsel in his fur. In the living room, Sebastian was chewing on a piece of twine which had previously supported the Christmas cards; these were now scattered across the room and over the furniture.
Two legs resolved not to have decorations next year or maybe not to have cats!!
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