A Little Light Reading

So there I was sitting in the armchair having a casual read of the newspaper as you do on a dull wet Sunday morning when all Hell breaks loose.

"What have you done with the TV guide?" I hear him shout from afar

"It's here in my paper" I answer helpfully

"It's where you left it" comes the female retort.

"You must have moved it. It was on the table last time I had it"

"Well didn't you have supper on the table last night? You must have cleared it off" she responds.

"No. It's here I'm reading it right now" I offer helpfully.

"I didn't move it. I was dishing up the soup. You laid the table. You must have moved it!"

"What do you want it for anyway. It's not 12 o'clock yet?" comes the logical female question.

Now I wonder if there is something in the two legs world that says they cannot read the TV listings until after 12 o'clock. Maybe they turn into a piece of cheese if they do. Max loves his cheese. Me, I'm not so keen on it. I find it makes me dream and then I get the fidgets and when I jump it wakes me up and then I have to go to the loo and then I have trouble getting back to sleep. No I leave cheese alone.

"I want to know when the football starts. It might be the lunch-time match or it might be 4 o'clock" he whines plaintively.

"Well if that's all put the TV on and find out"

"Liverpool kick off at 1:30" I offer helpfully turning the pages.

"Always have to do things myself when there should be an easy way" old two legs loves a good moan!

The TV set whirrs into life and the little two legs in there are busy scurrying about - I guess they are looking for their own TV guide. Suddenly there is a blue flash on the screen and two legs lets out a sigh.

"1:30 kick off so I'll have dinner on my lap please" he shouts through the wall. Now there's a strange thing. He wants dinner on his lap and yet when I jump on his lap and cause him to spill stuff on his lap he gets all angry and shouts. These two legs are strange creatures!

"Casper, what are you doing there with the paper?"

"Just having a restful morning."

"You've got the TV guide. Why can't you leave things alone. I've been searching high and low for that for hours!"

As if I didn't know. I'm giving up reading