Spider Spider

I like it when the two legs go to bed and we have the run of the house and we get to play with all the folks who come out at night.

Before they had a wooden floor all downstairs and we used to play with Sidney Spider and all his family - there were hundreds of them. But then the two legs had this carpet put down and Sidney and his family were trapped under it and couldn't get out to play. I used to hear them calling to us at night saying they were trapped under all the carpet.

Eventually they managed to get through a tiny gap between the wall and the carpet but that was when they needed my help. You see the lady two legs heard this story that spiders don't like conkers. Now I can understand that in part because although they have eight legs they don't have proper paws to hold the conkers with and they couldn't get a good swing because they are too close to the ground.

Sidney put a different light on it. Apparently the word in the spider world is that if they enter a place where there are conkers present, either in their shell or out of it, then the spider will have minutes to live.

Sidney popped up the other night and asked me to go and check for conkers. I found one and sat on it as Sidney and some of his family went by. I knew there was another one in the lounge where they were headed in search of a miscreant fly who had strayed indoors when the door was opened for us earlier in the day. I like Sidney and his family and didn't want them to move home so it was important I got to the conker before they did. I tapped the one I had been sitting on into my pile of toys where it would not be seen too readily and shot between the family as they headed for the lounge - they move fast and they have eyes all round. Sidney told me they have 8 eyes - one in each knee. I don't know if he was being serious but that is kind of awesome.

Anyway I dived in front of them and got to where I knew the conker was hidden and laid down on it. Ouch! It was still in its case and it pricked me hard in the bum.

"Problem?" asked Sidney noticing my discomfort.

"No no just a twinge of cramp - getting older now you know" I lied.

Sidney was straight up the lounge curtains and spun a web across to the sideboard to trap the fly. In seconds the fly was in the web and Sidney and his family moved in like an army unit to remove the fly and carry it back to their underground lair. I kept perfectly still until the last one had disappeared back under the carpet.

I got up and let out a little yelp. My bottom was very sore.