Hello. This morning I was awake early. The male two leg likes me to play with him at 4 a.m. so I have to wake up and jump all over him pretending to bite and scratch so that he can make his squealy noises and shout. That wakes up the female two legs and then they have an argument and I go back to sleep.
Anyway I had done my duty this morning and had settled down to a peaceful snooze when all Hell broke loose outside. I heard screaming and shouting and I remembered Max had told me about the evil world outside the gate. I guessed the evil ones had come to get someone. Then I listened and I recognised the voice. It was the little two leg from where I was born. He lives with my Mum and my sister - remember I told you about that a while ago. Anyway I listened and heard him saying that my sister was playing with a frog. Apparently they are afriad of frogs round there so my sister had pulled off a good one.
Max came in and wanted to know what was going on. I told him and he seemed really impressed that I knew all about it. He sat me down in the corner and told me another of his stories.
Max said the male two leg always likes being awakened at 4 am and this particular morning he did so with a very croaky coughing noise in his ear. His first reaction was to kick his wife who replied that she was asleep and hadn't made a sound - the croaking cough continued. Fearing burglars, the male two leg took the appropriate action and placed a pillow over his head and pulled the covers up tight inviting his wife to investigate. She declined.
It was at this juncture that all 18 lbs. of Sebastian leapt onto the bed crushing the male's foot. In the half light he saw Sebastian was watching the floor rather than the disintegration of his metatarsal. The cough continued accompanied by a scratching sound - the burglar not only had influenza but was also flea-ridden.
Being extremely brave the male two leg rose from the covers and went to investigate. Max (the 9 lb. weakling) was at the foot of the bed scratching furiously at the blanket which was now 90% on the floor. The male two leg enquired what he was doing. Max ignored him and continued scratching - it seemed that before long the blanket would be thread-bare and the source of his interest would be revealed. The male two leg intervened and removed the blanket. There was a frog croaking away to his heart's content with Max prancing up to him, leaping in the air and backing away. Sebastian was watching from his vantage point on the bed albeit without a foot engaged in his rear quarters. The scene was blissful enough had it not been in the family bedroom.
the male two leg summoned his wife to acquire a capture mechanism. You may recall they recently had a new kitchen fitted since when anything that is not in daily use is hidden away. Frog capturing devices fit into this category and hence she was away for some time. She returned with an empty ice cream making container.
The male bravely applied this over the frog. Placed a copy of "Nuts" magazine beneath and lifted the entirety and carried it to the front door. The ceremony of the locks and keys was then performed to allow the portal to open and he stepped outside with my precious charge. It was at this point that he noticed the chill around his lower body and realised he was not properly dressed for a sortie to the outside world. He deliberated and decided to continue his mission.
he released the frog on the lawn and returned to the confines of home. He decreed that his wife should embark on a washing program as he was not fond of frog flavoured ice cream nor was he confident of the continence of the amphibian in the area of the bed-clothes.
By now it was 5 o'clock and the household was all wide awake - there was nothing for it - Max and Sebastian went back to sleep.
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