How They Deceive You

I was in a  very friendly mood this morning. Well, truth be told, I was hoping the two legs would comment on my improving prowess in the athletics field ahead of the inaugural Cat Olympics.

While they were messing about in the garden, I was practising my Eskimo rolls in readiness for the canoeing competition. The only problem with that is that we don't have any canoes in the garden, neither do we have any water so I have to do my practice rolls on the grass. That's fine except when they cut it and I get all bits of grass stuck to my coat. Infuriating that is.

Anyway there I was practising my wall climbing. I'm not sure if it is a real Olympic event but I am quite good at it so I think we will include it as an event. I looked around and the male two legs had engaged with the female two legs and they were taking glass out of the greenhouse, smashing it and putting new glass in. Now I call that wasteful but then I realised it was the glass I had used for my springboard practice and it had not been particularly springy. In fact it had cracked rather nastily. This was brand new shiny glass he was putting in its place.

I wandered round to inspect his work closer. I also incorporated my balance beam practice as I made my way to him as I was on top of the fence. The fence they used to say led to the end of the world. That, I now know, was not true. I amaze myself sometimes at my ability to multi-task combining two or more activities at one time.

I reached his shoulder and lent over and gave him a playful tap. Oops. I forgot to pull my claws in and he shouted and nearly dropped the pane of glass he was holding. I chuckled to myself  but thought I ought to keep a low profile if he was angry so again I thought about multi tasking. In making my exit I could get a bit of long jump practice in and leap from the fence to the roof of the greenhouse.

"Casper! Don't even think about it!" I heard him cry.

Now that was rather a silly thing to say because I had obviously already thought about it. More to the point I was already in mid air and sensing a new feline all-comers world and Olympic record coming for the long jump. I put my paws out to cushion the landing and that's when panic struck. There was nothing to land on. I had chosen to fly towards the hole he had made where he was going to put the pane of glass he had nearly dropped when I said hello.

These things happen in an instant yet your mind has a chance to think so many thoughts. I remembered Percy teaching me to fly. If only he could see me now. I wondered who would miss me. I wondered what would happen to my bowl of tuna and cream waiting indoors.

I flew through the space where the window should have been and landed on a bush of tomatoes and felt them squash and pop into me. I heard my personal shopper running round screaming out if I was OK.

"He's cut himself and bleeding!" she called out to the male.

Next moment he was by my side picking me up and feeling me. I thought that was a bit wrong if I had broken bones but they do these things.

"He's right as ninepence!" he declared "Just landed on a few tomatoes and squashed them into his coat. I'll give him a scrub down and he'll be fine. Stupid cat!"

I mean who was the stupid one? Who left a gaping hole for someone to fall through? Still the scrub down got rid of all that grass cuttings in my coat. Every cloud has a silver lining.